Squadra di Vecchi Tori

New Character – The SBD by marcusoc
May 24, 2010, 7:41 am
Filed under: Making Fun of Others

Welcome to the next instalment of Cycling Characters, the first in a series exploring the Cycling Geek.

There are a number of Geek Sub-Categories – RetroBoy, Weight-Weeny, Aero-Man, and Pro Tragic, just to name a few.

Today we examine a Geek sub-species which has recently multiplied to plague proportions. The growth phase of this Geek Sub-Species commenced with the “perfect storm” of Lance’s 7 Tour victories coinciding with extended bull runs in the property and share markets.

By the time the GFC hit, this Sub-Species had reached such large numbers that the eradication of a few of its members through bankruptcies and job losses did nothing to stem overall growth. The one hope is that no one has ever identified a female version of this particular sub-species,so there is a chance they might be extinct in a generation.

 These are the tools who invented the saying, “Cycling is the New Golf”. Yes, that’s right, our first contestant is “A Suit”. Why is he a Geek you ask? Because he is obsessed with having the most expensive and exotic bike gear, thus he is known as the “Style By Dollars” Geek.

 Key identifiers of the SBD:

– A very expensive Italian frame – typically Colnago or Pinarello but doesn’t mind looking for something a little more exotic if he can find it. This is to impress his fellow SBDs as they can usually be found in homogenous bunches;

– Racing wheels when not racing (typically doesn’t race). Nowadays that is invariably a set of deep dish carbon wheels with clinchers (doesn’t understand the idiocy of this combination), Zipps preferred;

– Assos, Rapha or Capo clothing. But no clashing brands if you don’t mind;

– White Sidis (almost compulsory); and

– Minimal horsepower.

Can handle being dropped out the back of any bunch as his sky-high but baseless self confidence convinces him he is on an easy day and he is always so happy with his appearance that getting dropped is a minor concern.

What does worry him though, is being in a bunch with someone who might have a newer/ better Colnago than him. So he constantly upgrades his steed. Goes without saying that the SBD is universally loved by bike shop owners.

Added bonus of starting cycling was that he could justify his long-held secret desire to start shaving his legs.

Job when not on the bike: law, property development, investment banking or stockbroking. Wife initially disliked all the time hubby spent cycling until she worked out it gives her more time to get porked by the pool cleaner. Consequently, he now enjoys a happy marriage which only adds to his smug but baseless self-satisfaction.

 Favorite pro cyclist: need you ask? Lance of course. And certainly believes there is no way Lance could have ever doped “Because he has done so much for cancer awareness”. However, if SBD has been around cycling for a few years, he also “Believed in Tyler” and donated to the Floyd Fairness Fund.

 Tips on handling them:

– Careful being near them on a windy day. In the lightest breeze, those deep dish rims become spinnaker sails for these pox bike handlers.

– Be near them in the coffee shop. They usually pay for everyone.

– Meet his wife. She plays up.

More than a few appear in the photo in the previous post below.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hey Marcus you’re a funny man. Which category do I fall into?

Comment by Skinny White Boy

Think you have your own special one-man category SWB…

Comment by marcusoc

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